How to Change Your Beliefs About Your Child — and Yourself
A lifetime of experiences teaches us many things about ourselves, other people, and the world.
If we grew up in a very gentle and loving environment, we learned that the world was a safe place and that we would be treated kindly.
If we were hurt, in big ways or small, we may have learned that we are not enough, that there is not enough love and money in the world, that people will hurt us, that we’ll never get what we desire, that we have limited (or no) control about how things unfold in our lives.
When we are young, even small hurts can leave big scars. Fortunately, we can unlearn what we know about ourselves and how the world works. Here’s how.
1. Make a list of what you believe about your child (or yourself.)
You may include items such as:
- My life will always be difficult (with this child).
- My child will never _______________.
- My child always _______________.
- I’m a bad parent (because ________________).
- I’m not good enough.
2. Give each statement a validity rating on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is not true at all and 10 is very true or very intense.
This is a subjective, internal rating of the intensity of feeling you have about the truth of the statement. When you ask yourself, “How true is this for me?” write down the number that pops into your head.
3. Use the basic EFT recipe described here to begin shifting the hold these beliefs have on you.
Do a round (or more) of tapping using as many of the following phrases. Modify the statements or add your own to accommodate your own individual feelings.
- Even though my life will always be difficult, I’m still a good person.
- Even though my child will never ________, I can love him AND myself anyway.
- Even though I’m a bad parent because I _________, I’m doing my best and that’s enough for now.
- Even though my child always _________ and it’s so (frustrating, embarrassing, painful), I choose to love her and myself anyway.
4. After a few rounds of tapping, give each statement a validity rating again.
Are your feelings less intense or more? As you tapped, did memories or feelings come up? If yes, you can continue tapping on these new feelings. If the memories or feelings are very intense, breathe deeply, imagining the breath flowing into your heart. Stop tapping if this feels right. (If you would like to explore this new information further, please contact me to schedule an EFT and Matrix Reimprinting session for yourself. Together, we can explore and transform your feelings gently and effectively.)
5. If the feelings are less intense, look at the statements again.
Consider how you can begin shifting your beliefs. Start small! Choose something positive and new that you can believe and that you can see relatively quickly. Perhaps you can envision your child putting on one article of clothing without protest or allowing you to place a new food on his plate. If you don’t believe that your child will get dressed easily, can you believe that there is a possibility that she will be more cooperative.
6. Continue to believe a new impossible things every day.
This method works beautifully, but it does not work the same way for each person. Some people will experience shifts immediately, others will require a bit of time.
I personally needed to work with a facilitator before I discovered what the fuss was about. But once I had that first session, I was able to achieve some amazing results on my own. I describe this experience here:
The Difference Between Mundane and Miraculous EFT: One Session with a Pro can Change Your Life
Another great way to experience the healing magic and power of EFT and Matrix Reimprinting is through group work. The energy of the group and the presence of a facilitator are like a booster rocket for change. I lead groups like this by teleconference.
