Or, does the phrase “Luck of the Irish” has its origin in the days of the Wild West (in the United States) when many Irish people struck it rich during the Gold Rush or were prosperous in silver mining?

This metallically auspicious time also has a shadow.  Many non-Irish Americans of those days didn’t think the Irish were capable of success through intelligence or hard work, so they attributed the accomplishments of the Irish to luck.

What do you think?  Are some people just lucky, while others are not?

Webster (and Dictionary.com) Says

noun

Creating Reality

Lucky me!  I have children who are anything but normal.  If they were normal, they would have been subject to living slightly improved replicas of my and my husband’s life.

Because my children are not mini-mes or mini-their-daddies, they get to live their own lives. And, their magnificent uniqueness has made me a better me.

Lucky Mothers of Unusual Kids

Rhonda K. Welling posted the following on my Facebook Page and gave me permission to share.  I read similar stories almost daily:  Mothers who, at first, feel unlucky because their children have autism, or ADHD, or a hearing disability, or extreme crankiness, become grateful for the children and lives they have.

Before my son I lived a life I wasn’t proud of. I took a lot, and I mean a lot, of things for granted. When Anthony was diagnosed with autism, I honestly didn’t know anything about autism and was one of them people who thought I never had to worry about it cause I would never have to deal with it.

My son taught me to look at the world through the eyes of a child with autism. He taught me not to take the small things for granted, for example, rain, sand, grass, trees, clouds. Not to ever take for granted the words a child speaks to you. He actually stopped talking for 2 years. And 3 years after his diagnosis, he said “Anthony love mama this much” and he stretched out his little arms as far as they would go. Just them few words changed my life forever. I didn’t see autism at that point. I seen what a beautiful boy I was blessed with.

You have no idea how much it annoys me to hear someone tell their child to be quiet or even worse..shut up because what these people don’t think about is sometimes they do. I missed hearing his voice, hearing his laugh, seeing his smile.

He is 8 years old now and he has taught me to see beauty in the small things, including autism. It’s amazing to me that they say parents teach their kids, but I think in a true sense Anthony has taught me more then I could ever learn from some book. He has taught me unconditional love and acceptance of everyone and everything around me.

Becoming the Force

“You get what you get and you don’t get upset,” children learn to chant in kindergarten.

The truth is, we do get upset.  We grieve.  We rage.  We yell at our children.  We also heal,  change, and evolve.  We become the Force in our children’s lives, in our own lives, and in the world.

“The force is an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us, it penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together.” Obi-Wan to Luke

I became the Force in my life by learning about and using homeopathic remedies, tapping on my meridian points, and embracing ideas that, at one time, would have been unimaginable for me.  I evinced my role as the Conscious Creator of my life.

How are you unleashing the Force in Your Life?

I’d love to know.  Leave a comment or send me a note.  Or stop by the Blessed by (Autism) Uniquely Magnificent Children Facebook page and start a conversation.  You are not alone.

The next day, I was listening to the Diane Rhem show on NPR and one of her guests, a seasoned reporter, said that one of the Republican presidential candidates was “acting as if he had Tourettes.”  Diane gently pointed out that this might be offensive to those who live with Tourettes.

When I entered “Tourettes” into the search bar on Twitter, these tweets came up:

• “About to play like I have tourettes if these folks keep staring at me”
• “Work is causing me to have a severe case of tourettes. Floored at the workload. FLOORED! Calgon, take me away.”
• “i keep RT’n u its jus cos u feel how i do & surprisingly ur puttin it into words, i seem to have tourettes right now”

When I entered “retarded” into the search bar on Twitter, these tweets came up:

• “I feel retarded when I’m trying to txt with cold hands.”
• “A cheerleader is a dancer gone retarded”
• “Still having trouble using the correct “you’re/your”? Use “ur” because you’re retarded.”

Before I had children, before I realized one of my children has autism, I did not think about the misuse of words like retard or spaz.  I did not think that saying, “I’m a little OCD,” to refer to my preference for order might be painful to someone listening.

Becoming aware makes us kinder people.

I am a first-generation Ukrainian-American.  I grew up in an all-things-Ukrainian community.  We Ukrainians stomped our feet and wailed because most people, if they’d heard of Ukraine at all, thought it was the same as Russia.  I thought I was so smart because I knew where Ukraine was and knew some Ukrainian history.  I knew not to say “The” Ukraine.

Then, in college, I started discovering what I did not know.  I had never heard of Cambodia and was uncertain of Pakistan and Indonesia’s locations.  I did not know that people my age had, as small children, hidden in self-dug basements while bombs fell or terrorists searched for them.

Oops.  Not as smart as I had thought.

We know what we know.  And we don’t know much more.  None of us knows everything.

We are ourselves, with our own experiences, gifts, and challenges.

But we can learn — by listening to and reading stories of fellow humans.

I have found that it is impossible to hate someone once you know their story.

If you still think it’s okay to casually use the R-word as an insult, please read this post about a beautiful cognitively impaired girl.  Then, read more stories about people (you think are) not like you.  Listen.  Tell your story.

Knowing and understanding are bliss.  Ignorance is not.

Another great post:

“Jumby is many things, but he is not, RETARDED.

He is not the butt of your jokes, he is not what you mean when you accidentally or casually toss the ‘retarded’ word around.”

Then, this week, Authenticity began seriously stalking me. 

• Joe Rumbolo talked to Robert Rabbin about authenticity and authentic self-expression.  I bought and started reading Rabbin’s book.
• Alexandra Franzen’s most incredible blog post showed up in my in-box.  One of the titillating questions:  Should I reveal my true identity — tassels & all — or a buttoned-up simulacrum?
• Danielle LaPorte asked:  What boat do you need to burn?
• Lynne Sorya asked:  What Does Authenticity Look Like? and answered with a list of authenticity challenges for autistic people.
• I spent a long evening chatting with a friend with whom I can be and am authentic.
• During the Motivation Mondays session for writers, Kyeli Smith of The Connection Revolution asked a question which I slightly modified to What surprising permission do you need to fully and completely be yourself?

Challenge Accepted

I’ve been ruminating on being more authentic on this site.  (How?  Should I be?  Souldn’t I be asking what you want instead of asking Who am I?)  What follows is my first attempt at moving toward 100% Real.  I’d like to post it on the welcome page.  Make it the first thing people see.  Let you see the real me as I discover and embrace her myself.

After  you read, please comment.  I want to know how you felt and what you thought while reading.

Welcome Page (Test)

Welcome Soul Sister.  I’ve been waiting for you.  I know this path you walk.  The Why does it have to be so hard? The What can I do to help my child? The Dear God, Not again!

How did you come to be here?

Me?  I was blessed with 29 beautifully ordinary years.  Family camping adventures.  Good grades, reasonably easily achieved.  Road trips with friends.  Love!

Motherhood landed me on a new island and the orderly ship that had carried me there promptly sank.  There was no way to return to the Ordinary World.  My Hero’s Journey began.

My children (perhaps yours too?) missed the Supposed To line in pre-life orientation.  I had been Super-Everygirl.  Then, Extraordinary-Everywoman.  Oh yes.  I was a master of Supposed To. I devoured Judith Martin’s Miss Manners books.  I inhaled pull-your-shoulders-out-of-their-sockets loads of parenting books.  I made flashcards for my baby.

My children were blissfully unaware of my Supposed To (supposed) Mastery.  Each came with a clear mission and unique way of being.  None developed in accordance with professionals’ timelines and charts.

I was well trained.  I embraced my job as a parent and  set out to fix them.  To make them the way they were supposed to be.  I was doing my best, but it wasn’t pretty.

Then, I wept at their non-compliance and non-conformance to my way.  Now, I am grateful that I did not break them before everything was illuminated and I saw with New Eyes.

Each of them is exactly the way they’re supposed to be.

The world needs each expression. Articulate and non-verbal.  Stimming, obsessive, compulsive, and eye-contact averse.  Very loud and selectively mute. Even if I don’t understand the whys and hows.

Now here’s the really huge A-ha! The world needs you and me exactly the way we are.  We are all one of a kind.  When we conceal our 100% authentic selves, our real I Am is lost to the world forever.

Lynne Soraya recently wrote What Does Authenticity Look Like? As an autistic adult, she finds that people say “Just be yourself,” but then cannot tolerate expressions of being that are considered rude or weird.

Dude, I’m an Aspie writes:  Being yourself, when you’re an Aspie, can get you in heaps of trouble. A poorly timed meltdown, a missed signal, a split second reaction, can form a lasting impression. “Be yourself,” but not your whole self, lest you offend someone.

To fully accept our children, we must fully accept ourselves.

I’m practicing.  This is my mantra:

I can be wildly successful at being me.  Writing, shining, living life.  Owning my roles of Natural Alchemist, Conscious Creator, and Swan Mother.

Join me!

You can be wildly successful at being you.

Claim your youness now.

Leave a comment and tell the world:  This is what I do.  This is who I am.

Anger and rage attacks are complex phenomenon and are sometimes associated with ADHD, depression, impulse disorders, addiction, and brain chemistry abnormalities.  Homeopathic remedies can have profound affects in transforming emotional patterns and facilitating mental and physical balance and harmony.

For chronic or severe anger issues, it is advisable to work with professional homeopaths and therapists.  Learning about homeopathic remedies enables you to participate actively in your own healing.  At the same time, you should continue to see your doctor for examinations, advice and treatment.

Homeopathic philosophy recognizes and honors varying instigators and manifestations of anger and homeopathic remedies support children during difficult stages of growth and development.

Choosing a Remedy to Alleviate Anger

Consider the remedies below and determine if one of the descriptions matches your child.  No child will have every characteristic listed.  These lists provide only a brief overview of the remedy picture and are provided to give you an idea of the breadth of signs and symptoms that are part of choosing a homeopathic remedy.  For more information, consult the references at the end of the article.

Anacardium

• Anger at least offense or contradiction.
• Swearing, cruelty, violence.
• Lacks confidence, so tries to prove himself.
• Difficulty making decisions.

Bryonia

• A remedy for reliable individuals who work hard to succeed.
• Anger easily and have outbursts of shouting.
• Worry about school; angry when contradicted.
• Like to stay home.

Calcarea Phosphorica

• Sensitive to injustice.  Always saying, “It’s not fair!”
• Fear receiving bad news, i.e., that they’ve made a mistake.

Chamomilla

• Agitated, quarrelsome, and upset children.
• Scream, rage, and whine.
• Have changeable moods.
• Often, one cheek is red and the other pale.

Lycopodium

• Lack of confidence alternating with arrogance and rage.   (See also Super-Easy Homeopathy for Boosting Kids’ Confidence.)
• Let’s anger build, then expresses it with abusive outbursts
• Shun responsibility.

Nux Vomica

• Irritable children.
• Bothered by noise and external stimuli.
• These children are ambitious, jealous, critical, and argumentative.

Staphysagria

• Children who accept authority and hate conflict.
• Sensitive to humiliation, insults, and abuse.
• Suppressed rage and indignation.

No remedy match?

There are many more homeopathic remedies that may be indicated for your child. If you want a complete consultation that will address all aspects of your child’s health and well-being, please contact a professional homeopath.

You can also take these cell salts to help with anger issues.

(Directions for taking cell salts in this linked post.)

• Calc Sulph (angers easily, then feels weak after anger passes)
• Nat Mur (angry and irritable, more in Nat Mur:  A Remedy for Almost Everybody)
• Silica (tendency to anger easily)
• Nat Phos (angers at trifles)

Raising self-regulating children is a long endeavor.  Children grow and learn when parents allow them to discover their own strengths and abilities by doing things on their own.  When we allow ourselves be flexible and change our own ideas and behavior, out children learn and grow.

References

Homeopathic Remedies: A Quick and Easy Guide to Common Disorders and Their Homeopathic Treatments by Asa Hershoff

Homoeopathic Sketches of Children’s Types by Catherine R. Coulter

The class lists for addressing Valentines were sent home few weeks ago.  Other children came to school today (a whole day early!) clutching red-heart-decorated shoe and boot boxes to collect the cards and treats.  I will supervise reluctant card-signing tonight. 

Phony Baloney

Saint Valentine’s Day is a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs (none of whom are known for love or romance). It was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, and was deleted from the General Roman Calendar in 1969 by Pope Paul VI.

The roots of St. Valentine’s Day may lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated February 13 – 15. Priests of the festival whipped bystanders.  Being touched by the whip was supposed to increase fertility in women.

What exactly are we celebrating?

I understand that contemporary Valentine’s celebrations in school are not about Christian saints or Roman holidays.  I understand (sort-of) that they are supposed to be fun.  But what are we teaching?  How do children who are socially inept, bullied, or shy experience this holiday?

Same, Same!  Cards for Everybody!

Children are required to give a card to each child in their class, so that no 0ne feels left out.  But kids know who likes them and who doesn’t.  They know whom they like.  They know when they are giving cards because they have to, versus giving cards they want to.

Teaching children to be kind and considerate to all of their classmates is a valuable lesson.  Teaching them to treat everyone the same, is not.

All children do not all wish to be treated the same .  When sad, one child might like a hug, another to talk it out, a third would prefer to be left alone.  Some children show their excitement with high-fives and shouts, others flick their fingers or flap their hands.

And a Little Red Dye #40

Almost half of my children’s classrooms have been peanut free.  One was latex free.  Our homeschool group avoided eggs because one family had life-threatening allergies.  But artificial colors and flavors have been allowed in all classrooms.  (Except at the Waldorf school.  But that’s a separate, awful story.)

The UK banned artificial food dyes in 2008 after a study suggested they are related to hyperactive behavior in children.  The UK demands that manufacturers use natural colors and flavors and US companies use natural products in the UK — while continuing to use artificial dyes in the products sold in the US.  (Learn more from Deborah Merlin, author of Victory over ADHD.)

My daughter was severely affected by red food coloring as a child.  Now, she avoids fake red foods saying, “It makes me crazy.”

Bah, Humbug!

hum·bug

• I wonder what would happen if, in lieu of pre-printed, generic cards, we asked each child to think of one thing they admire about each classmate.
• I wonder if the children would be surprised to discover that there really is something good about every person in the room, even in those children they don’t like.
• I wonder how it would feel to receive 20-some pieces of paper that showed us the wonderfulness our classmates found in us.

What would you have the schools do in place of the humbug that is Valentine’s Day?

• I cry each time I watch the YouTube video of Carly Fleischmann, typing “hurt” and “help” at age 11 when, until that moment, she had been presumed to be retarded and unaware of what was going on around her.  I love that, after refusing to type on demand for the television crew during an interview, she types “Is he cute?” when the reporter mentions that he has a son. (Carly (now 14) has a website and inspires people all over the world.)

• I love watching Clay Marzo surf and hearing his mother talk about how he is at home in the water, but struggles for air on land.  Many of us could learn volumes from Clay’s authenticity and honesty.  (You can see more in the movie Clay Marzo, Just Add Water.)

• I am blown away watching 13 year old Jake Barnett, a college sophomore and a math and science prodigy, who says autism is the key to his success.  Knowing that a child that stopped speaking just before his second birthday is now an articulate, innovative researcher is amazing and inspirational.  That Jake is writing a book to help the rest of us overcome our fear of math is another indicator of how cool he is.  (Check out the website his equally amazing parents started:  Jacob’s Place, Specializing in where kids with autism can be awesome. )

• I am in awe of Lyrica Mia, a non-verbal, autistic adult,  who, together with her mother, Gayle Barley Lee, wrote , Awetizm:  A Hidden Key to Our Spiritual Magnificence. Lyrica has discovered/revealed that autistic beings have unique gifts and wisdom beyond this world and is leading the world is seeing these gifts.

• Now, add the wonder and genius of Jake in Touch.

The Spectrum

It is wonderful that the world is recognizing that autism is a spectrum.  It is leading to the awareness that humanity is a spectrum:  a distribution of energies, gifts, challenges, abilities, and goodness.  Since I’ve noticed my children’s uniquely wonderful ways of being, I’ve realized that there is no such thing as normal or average.  We are all Uniquely Magnificent.

In our house, we have an ordinary, middle-of-the road kind of autism.  My children don’t have skills or abilities that are television worthy.  Their needs are not particularly demanding.  They simply, extraordinarly, amazingly, are the way they are.

There was a time when I would have asked:  When will my child start typing or talking in full sentences?  When will his gifts be revealed?  When will he surf, play piano, write poetry, or solve complex equations? Why doesn’t he communicate with me telepathically?

(When will he say a few words?  When will he stop wetting the bed?  When will he learn to tie his shoes?  When will he be able to eat comfortably?)

I was envious of the Magnificent Autistic Beings that awe, inspire, and delight us.

Remarkably Ordinary, and Magnificent

The thing I finally understand is that there is no contest.  There is no competition.

In watching the video clips linked at the beginning of the post, I notice Magnificent Individuals fully and authentically being themselves.  They do what they love.  They are who they are.  They derive their magnificence by tapping into and being themselves.  And that, is available to me, and to us all.

“Why I not speak Ukrainian?  Why even learning to speak English hard for me?  Why I not talk until four and a half, like Einstein?” 

Good questions Daniel!  Mama doesn’t know.  But Mama’s heart hurts because I didn’t think to ask you yesterday, when there was still time, if you wanted to come with us, instead of assuming you’d prefer to stay home with Daddy.  Because you look so sad for the second time this week.  Because I did what was easy and that might not be the best thing for you.

The Pain of Awareness

For years, I’ve been making decisions for my children.  I’ve noticed that when I give them too many options, they become frustrated.  Often, it is easier if I say,  “Let’s go to the store now,” instead of offering a menu of options.  Especially since I have three children and the likelihood of all of them having the same preference is slim.

Daniel seems particularly upset by choices.  Even when I give him two, clear options, he looks at me like a deer and headlights, and says, “Choosing is hard for me.  I don’t like to make choices.  I can take my time.  I can think about it.”  But he remains frustrated until, playing mind-and-energy-reader, I say, “I looks like you want to come home with me.”  Then, he grins and says, “That’s a good idea.”

Why?  Why?  Why?

Yesterday, he was surprised to see his siblings up and eating breakfast in their uniforms.  I had not told him that we would not be having our usual casual Sunday.  And he looked sad.

Over the past year, he has become more and more aware of how he is different from his siblings (who are also very different from one another and other kids).  I see confusion in his eyes, I hear it in his questions.

• Why talking so hard for me?
• Why I not tie my shoes until I was nine?
• Why I go speech and OT?

He often answers his own questions with my stock replies:

• Some things are easy for some people and hard for other people.
• Everyone learns at different times and that’s okay.
• Everyone needs help with something.

I remind him of the things he is good at and enjoys, of what’s wonderful about him.  But this is no longer enough.

He knows that only one other boy in his class gets Ms. Demarco’s help.  He knows that everyone else understands what Mr. Connolly is saying, but he needs help.  He knows he is more different from the other kids than they are from one another.

Now What?

I have new territory to explore.

• What is my role in helping Daniel to feel good about himself?
• Are there specific skills I should be teaching him?
• When do I step in, and when do I let things be as they are?

Next year, Daniel will go to middle school.  There’s a lot for me to learn to be ready.

Ellana, 13, was excited to go.  She had her schedule and school map highlighted and coordinated, a new binder, and a new top.  Her main request was, “Please don’t meet me at the bus stop.”

Stephen, 9, jumped out of bed and was dressed five minutes after I woke him.  “Might as well get this over with,” he sighed slouching into a fleecy sweatshirt.  His biggest concern was finding friends.  (He’s very discriminating.)

We met a boy about his size as we walked to school.  By the time we got to the door, Stephen knew someone in his class.  They went to line up together.

When we arrived at Daniel’s classroom, his eyes filled with tears.  “I’m a little bit nervous he said,” looking terrified. His teacher, Mr. Connoly, gently invited him into the room and showed him the schedule.  Maybe he’ll be okay I thought.  When I asked Daniel if I could leave, his lips and eyes turned down.

The other fifth graders milled around, tossed papers into the recycle bin, and slid into desks.  Mr. Connoly showed Daniel the resource room attached to the classroom.  I went inside with them and Daniel sat on my lap.  “I’m going to miss you for 6 hours and 45 minutes,” he muttered.  His parapro came in and asked him what he likes to do.  She told him that her sons like video games too.

Daniel still looked anxious.  I tapped on him and did some zip-ups to balance his energy, wondering why I hadn’t thought to bring some homeopathic remedies for anxiety.

His special ed teacher came in and said, “Your class went to art.  I think you’ll like that.  Want to go?”

Daniel reluctantly agreed.  Mr. Connoly met us in the hallway and took Daniel into the art room.  When he came out and I thanked him, Mr. Connoly said, “Daniel is mine from 8:50 to 3:45.”  My own eyes welled up and I did some quick finger tapping to calm myself.

Daniel has loved going to school since his first bus ride at age 3.  Today surprised me.  It was hard.

How I Managed to Just Do It! (for this is not my usual way)

We have been busy house-hunting, selling, and buying since August.  I used the busyness of the move as an excuse to eat more cookies and exercise less.  I promised myself that once we moved into our new home, I would return to healthier habits. 

On December 16, a moving truck delivered our belongings.  Since then, I’ve unpacked hundreds of boxes, put up a Christmas Tree, and enjoyed the holiday.

Then, on December 25, I chose my word for 2012.

Power Word of the Year

Resolutions seldom work.  Every time I say, “I will . . .”  or “I should . . .,”  I don’t.

Choosing a Power Word is different.  It is a way to set the tone for the year.

Alexandra Franzen says this about the Power Word:

One word that will color + characterize, amplify + affirm your entire identity, in 2012. Like a micro-manifesto, or one-word affirmation.

Christine Kane will e-mail you a worksheet to help you choose a power word. I did something even simpler:  I thought about choosing a Power Word and let a word pop into my head.

Drumroll Please

My word for 2012 is Mine!

Wait!  What is that supposed to mean?

I let it sink in.  I considered choosing something prettier or more eloquent.  But I’m learning not to argue with my intuition, so I decided to let Mine! be the word.

2012 is Mine!

I’m reaping the rewards. Realizing the affects and effects of my actions and thoughts and plans that have lead to this Magical place in time/space.

I’m pulling together my learning and knowing and practice.

2012 is Mine! For Swan Mothers (my book — all done, just waiting to be published), for Catalysts for Health (my business), for my children, my husband, our love, my family, my friends, for me. Bring on the joy and rejoicing! Look out for the Quantum Leaping! Hear me roar!

Whoops!  I’m getting ahead of myself.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

This morning, I woke earlier than usual and decided to row.  My Water Rower still needed some reassembly after the move.   I had not put rowing on my schedule.  I had not fortifyed myself mentally and emotionally.  I just did it.

The Magic of Intention

This is how it goes.  Once an intention is set — you register for a class or start thinking about a vacation — things start to happen.

What’s Your Power Word for 2012?

Think about what your want in 2012.  Choose a word — or let a word choose you.  Tell us what it is in the comments.

As you contemplate your intention for 2012, consider if you’re ready for Easier, Healthier, and Happier Living with Autistic or Challenging Children.  If yes, sign up now for the next session of the Transformed Mothers’ Circle and Learn to Love Life with Atypical Children in the house.